The Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines transition as the passage from one place or state to another. That simple definition doesn’t begin to communicate the real-life meaning of that word.
I realized several years ago that since my divorce the Lord has been putting me in places going through transition. Since my life has been relatively simple and/or isolated during that time, the transitional places He’s taken me have mainly been churches or schools (homeschool groups included). Generally, I am there prior to the transition and then am moved on after a critical decision has been made. Until recently, those decisions have always been the “wrong” ones. The two places I’m in now have been following the Lord’s leading and are still on the right path. One is still just beyond the entrance to the path, and the other is well on its way. I am so happy to finally see people genuinely seeking the Lord’s will, listening to it, and obeying it. It can get discouraging to see people reject Him time after time. I’m glad I’m finally getting to see obedience.
Along with the places I’ve been put, I now find myself in a personal transition. I don’t like it. 😊 In the past, transitional times seem to have been much quicker. Yes, swiftness often shocks the senses, but it also means things change and then the change is done. My current transition is a much longer process.
After the divorce, which was now over eleven years ago, I have gone through a wilderness period, a healing period, and a hiding period. By hiding, I mean I was hidden by the Lord. All of those times have bred a human loneliness in me, but, I find that even that loneliness is His will. I have had to seek Him alone. Being lonely has also been a driving force to get back out in the world of people. I started teaching. Then, I moved on to assisting. Now I am leading with others. I’m not on the front line, but I’m right behind those who are. I am still lonely, but I am not alone much anymore. I have developed friendships, but they are not deep ones yet. As an introvert, I don’t really like surface relationships, but, for now, these will do. We are united in the Lord, even if we don’t socialize much outside of work.
My personal life is still much the same, but it’s also completely different. Since December, my mom’s health has significantly deteriorated. In many ways, the process of the two of us switching roles is well underway. During that crisis time, one of my son’s great-aunts (who was family to me too, even after the divorce), passed away. Then mom’s older sister began deteriorating as well. She started falling, went into an assisted living facility, and is now gone. My brother’s major health issue has returned as well. (Yes, I have had myself checked after those rigorous months, and I am okay).
This time of transition is very painful. I have found that when the Lord begins a new thing, room has to be made for the new. Yes, the new is good, but you have to move out of the old. The old place, the old way of being, the old life, the comfort zone. I am not at all ready for this new order of things, but I’m here nonetheless. His mercies are new every morning and His grace sustains me.
My aunts and uncles went together to pay for my plane ticket to go to my aunt’s funeral in July. It was a time of calm at home, so I was able to go. I wanted to be there for the funeral, but the main reason I went turned out to be to help my aunt get everything ready & be there for her. I was able to do that and deeply reconnect with her in the process. I am so very thankful for that, but much more happened on that trip. I came home internally changed.
When I moved back to California after the divorce, I tried my best to not get back into the California “rat race.” I succeeded for a while. What I discovered while back in Indiana and Michigan was that I had indeed fully re-entered that “race” in the last few years; especially this past school year. Yes, I had followed the Lord’s leading as I moved back into life, but I had neglected to set enough boundaries. I was also trying to please people, and I was trying to earn money again. I never knew how hard it would be to not work for a paycheck. I’ve worked every day, but for more than half of the years since the divorce, I haven’t earned a paycheck. Anyway, it was clear as day that things couldn’t continue the way they had been, especially with things changing so drastically at home with mom.
I returned from my trip with different priorities and a sky-high discontent with living in this state (CA). If I am truly to remain here so my son can graduate with his co-op friends, the Lord will have to help me find some peace here for the next three years. I need to consciously look at the Lord as my Husband, provider, and protector, and remember that His plans are to prosper me and not to harm me. The days ahead should be full of hope no matter what happens. Again, I need to realize that He never asked me to be self-sufficient, and yet, I am not to fall victim to a poverty mindset either. He has taught me much through these years of sacrifice and surrounding famine. He has also brought me THROUGH them. It is now time to enter into something new. New home life. New professional life. New financial life. New personal life. New friendships. New love? We’ll wait and see on that one. One thing I’ve learned over and over, though, is that new is not synonymous with easy. In Him it is always ultimately better, but it is neither easy nor painless. However, He walks with us through everything. He guides us and protects us. He provides for us. He corrects us. He removes the seasons that are finished, but always does so to make room for the ones to come. In Him there is always hope.
He is faithful and true.
Until the next transitional touchpoint, God bless you.
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